)06/22/03
Return of the King
The title of this post was not meant whatsoever to be glorifying. Just a simple phrase to make the public aware that Fanny has now some sort of access to a computer.
Well what do I have to say for myself. It seems like its been years since I have been able to let myself go. Its such a good feeling to be able to write down what your thinking. I cant believe the amount of tension you relieve by sorting threw your minds septic tank, and making some sort of since out of it.
So much has happened in my life. I've gone threw so much that It was almost impossible too take . I went into a sort of hibernation in my own little cocoon. One thats basic structure was drugs, sex, a loss of faith,friends and hope in life itself. I surrounded myself completely and left an auto pilot that just nods his head to simply get the spotlight of attention as far away as possible. I know the vagueness of this story is probably not helping me unfasten the nuts around my point any better but I don't really feel like going into specifics. There are very big obstacles of pride, embarrassment, and overall fear of recollection. One day though about two months ago, I woke up and I for some reason I had a faint feeling of drive in me. The cocoon crumbled around me. It took a two hour look in the mirror, and a question too either shoot myself or get my life rolling. Is it worth it? Everything I had lost had seemed so unreachable. Grasping any sort of gratification or enjoyment in life seemed almost impossible. Until I noticed this spot in my iris. Studying this area I notice how dark my eyes are. I have two black holes in my eye sockets. I know that is sounds sort of odd to find ones existence within a persons own eyes, but thats what happened. I looked at myself deeper then anyone in my life ever has. The question that got me to where I think I am right now, will probably never have an answer, but what I saw in my eyes is that if there is a possibility that life can be great, if there is an if, then its worth it at least to keep looking. Wether these words have helped someone or not, doesn't really matter because like I said in the beginning, bitching is for me, and me only. You only get the privilege of listening to me do it.
I'm going to try and update as much as possible but I cant promise that Ill do it every day, but most likely every two. I'm really exciting to be reunited with my old friend.
